It’s hot, and I hate it. My skin is the color of an anemic vampire. My hair absorbs moisture and swells to six to eight times its natural size like stale bread. The sidewalks stink. I stink. The soundtrack to this summer, and every summer, is my incessant whining over the sound of revving fans. I don’t understand why I get so excited about this.
The only thing that makes summer just a little less bitter is remembering the existence of ice cream floats. It’s incredible how little (or never) we think about them during fall, winter, and spring. When temperatures drop below 75 degrees Fahrenheit, it seems to erase all memories of being uncomfortably wet. We rarely get to have an ice cream float in a comfortable, air-conditioned environment, so every year feels like a new discovery. That pleasant surprise doesn’t make up for the windy, rainy, burning feeling, but it’s still something to enjoy during the less-than-fun times of the year.
Get the recipe: Ice Cream Float
An ice cream float is different from an ice cream soda. The latter is made by pouring soda over ice cream in a glass, while the former is made by pouring soda into a glass and then floating a scoop of ice cream on top. I only point this out because this stupid weather has forced me to make some terrible choices, and I hate that for everyone.
At bearable temperatures, my brain doesn’t care about the order of operations, but it’s my body that controls my typing fingers, and that body is actively wet. Wet, and miserable, and trying to make my problems everyone’s problems. An ice cream float would probably solve this, but the temperature has risen another 10 degrees since I started writing this article, and my brain would rather start a battle over the semantics of ice cream than help itself.
Thinking is not my forte when it’s humid. It’s hard to remember how to behave, or actually do anything, when all I can think about is why I haven’t escaped to the Yukon yet. (Another oft-deleted summer fantasy.) Luckily, the float is completely safe. The name doubles as instructions. You don’t need any kitchen utensils other than an ice cream scoop and a glass. Even without those, you can find a way to make the float work in an emergency. Sure, a bowl and bare hands might not be polite in cooler weather, but the moment the heat index hits 100, I stop caring about pretty much everything, including etiquette.
The only tricky part about making a float is picking the soda and ice cream flavors. I’m too hot to do math, so I don’t know how many flavor combinations there are in this world, but I’m sure there are a lot. Maybe that’s why vanilla is the most popular ice cream flavor for floats; it goes with everything and minimizes the decision-making process.
But if you’re more used to this climate than I am, try different flavors and frozen treats beyond just vanilla. Remembering that unflavored ice can be substituted not just for ice cream, but for sherbet or sorbet, or anything that’s frozen and delicious and floaty, changes the summer drinks rulebook.
You don’t have to limit yourself to soda, either. How about a tall iced tea with a dollop of lemon sorbet or a nonalcoholic stout topped with ice cream? Either might motivate you to get up from the couch and head 10 feet to the kitchen. Or, better yet, make your kids an ice cream float because you’re exhausted from all the whining. They’ll like me more if I’m sober.
Get the recipe: Ice Cream Float
