If you’re looking for late-night dining in downtown, your options are limited. But don’t worry, there are plenty of pizza places to choose from.
It seems like all the time a new pizza place opens or closes for violating health codes, only to be quickly replaced by another one.
I couldn’t be too upset about the number of pizza places – they’re probably just making a killing on the weekends – but I still want variety.
Also, during term time, your 3am options include El Jefe’s, Yallah Taco, Campus Steaks, Allen Street Pizza, DP Dough, Canyon Pizza, and about a dozen other pizza places I’ve forgotten.
As you read through the list, you’ll notice that one traditional American food is missing: pure fats and oils.
State College needs a late-night burger restaurant, I said.
Okay, maybe restaurant is a bit of an overstatement; this place may be small, but if it serves up a decent burger at 3am, it gets my stamp of approval.
The entrance to DP Dough in downtown State College, Pennsylvania, on Sunday, Sept. 3, 2023.
Chris Eutzler
None of my current options are what I need at 3 a.m. Instead, I come home hungry and sad, with an empty fridge. Sure, that’s not true, but there’s nothing good in my fridge.
I wouldn’t say I’m a patriotic person, but greasy American food makes me want to salute the flag with tears in my eyes. It’s not a want, it’s a need.
You want food that’s been left in the deep fryer too long and has more oil than you can eat. You want food that you have to slather on seasonings to taste anything other than oil. You want to stuff your face with a burger dripping with oil and then go straight home and end up in an overeating coma after a long night out.
To be clear, I’m not looking for a five-star restaurant. I’m looking for off-brand ketchup and mustard, disjointed chairs, random holes in the walls, and one working fryer.
If I’m hungry at 3 a.m., I want a Chicago hot dog and soggy fries, but I know my limitations. I just have unrealistic expectations. But if I can get a greasy burger and equally greasy fries, I’m happy and I ask for it.
So this is a call out to all of you aspiring business owners – entrepreneurs – open a late-night restaurant in State College that serves greasy American classics, and I’ll be able to support your business while I’m at Penn State.
Opening this restaurant allows me to play an important role in the community and fill the bellies of college students who get full at 3 a.m. Most importantly, it brings me joy.
But don’t go for late night restaurants, because God knows you’ll crave more fatty foods the next day.
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